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The Good: You haven't got cancer.

7. The bad: You're disappointed.
The worse: You have no excuse for missing work all week. /XeneX

6. The bad: All of the tests were negative
The worse: Your bill is $14,732.47. /Steve Pretz

5. The bad: But you do have a nasty case of the Black Death.
The worse: and you seem to have Leprosy. /Hackamaniac

4. The bad: Just a really bad fungus.
The worse: And heart failure. /Matt Jordan

3. The bad: You realize you aren't a woman with breast cancer, you're a man with breasts.
The worse: You have to dump that guy you met Friday night. /Anonymous

2. The bad: You're not quite sure what the "at all" part means.
The worse: The doctor keeps making those air quotes when he says it. /Kramertim

Mother Shabooboo always has a problem...

1. The bad: Your friend Bob does.
The worse: Your friend Bob is your split personality.

Originally published: 05/04/2000

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