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Top Ten Things Not to Say to Someone That Calls the Suicide Hotline

10. "You again? I thought you were dead." (Praxite)

9. "Let me put you on hold, your girlfriend just stopped by naked." (Nadroj)

8. "Sorry this is the Sodacide hotline you got the wrong number." (sader)

7. "Boy, your life really does suck!" (Mommy-to-be)

6. "Yes, I'm afraid that Spice World will come out on video." (Thanatos)

5. "Problems? You think THOSE are problems? Well, just yesterday...." (bandgeek_01@hotmail.com)

4. "Boy oh boy, if you had one more bad thing happen to you, you could do you own top ten list of reasons why you are a loser. Got any ideas?" (BadElf)

3. "Can you hurry up please? My shift is about to end." (M. Shadow [midnightshadow@hotmail.com])

2. "But there's so much to live for...... Michael Jackson, Hanson, Steven Siegal, Janet Reno...." (Tran Davis)

Hello? Are you still there?? Oh no, someone said Berly's #1 response to the top ten list to him...

1. You know that old saying "If you look around, you'll find someone who has it worse than you"? I think you're that someone.

Originally published: 03/28/1998

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